Boy, am I terrible in social situations. Always, just when things are going well, I beat a hasty retreat, separating from people a bit awkwardly. Despite all my conscious objections, the process is almost automatic, not requiring conscious control. So I retreat back to solitiude, a state of mixed blessings. What hidden neurosis/complexes compel me to act like this? After some thinking, I theorize that it is due to my unwilling to admit I am under the other's powers. Because to signal attraction, or even interest, is to surrender some control of one's own vulnerability. Everyone is afraid to getting hurt in social situations, but I have perfected this fear into an art. But after the event, reflections cause me to realize how stupid my actions were, how counter-productive. A series of alternatives course of action flood the mind, with the corresponding alternative outcomes. Perhaps the only way to beat this is to consciously go against the prevailing instinct.
Chen Yin, from Fujian, School of Urban Planning.
posted by tom 4:43 PM